Perfectionism is NOT Your Superpower
If you had a habit that cut you off from all the qualities you need to successfully navigate life, would you want to know about it?
When I speak with perfectionists, these are a few of the ways I often hear them talk about their perfectionistic habits:
- “This is how I get so much done.”
- “Perfectionism is responsible for the high quality of my work.”
- “If I weren’t a perfectionist, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything at all.”
- “I have to set a standard for the people I lead.”
- “Perfectionism is my superpower!”
It’s common to hear perfectionists talk this way. They’re absolutely certain that perfectionism is their superpower. This is a familiar sentiment to me because I believed it for so long. What I’ve come to recognize in the last years is this: Perfectionism isn’t my superpower. It’s my kryptonite.
For anyone not familiar with the Superman Foundation myth, kryptonite is the single element in the universe that robs Superman not only of his superpowers but of his strength as a human.
Put Kryptonite in close proximity to him, and he’s weaker than he’d be if he were a regular human being.
That phrase, “weaker than he’d be if he were a regular human being” is what perfectionism does to anyone who engages in it. Sure, it can drive you to keep going, but not necessarily in a forward direction.
Now I’m going to talk for a minute about the specific, “kyrptonitic effects” of perfectionism. Instead of giving you superpowers, it neutralizes the qualities that are your real, true superpowers. Here’s a list of some of the critical abilities perfectionism neutralizes:
- spontaneity
- receptiveness
- resilience
- collaboration
- curiosity
- adaptability
- flexibility
- inspiration
- responsiveness
- creativity
Does it sound like you have any chance of doing your best work when these qualities go missing? Whatever that work may be, these are the qualities that enable you to navigate life in a successful way.
Perfectionistic thinking cuts you off from all of these honest-to-God superpowers because it makes it impossible for you to hear anything beyond your own perfectionistic thinking. That includes both being able to really listen to anyone else, and being able to hear your own intuitive wisdom.
Perfectionistic thinking makes such a loud noise in your head that it becomes impossible to hear the quieter voice of your instinctive wisdom, not to mention the voices of people trying to communicate with you. This may explain who so many perfectionists have such difficulty believing there’s such a thing as instinctive wisdom. There’s simply too much competing noise; it drowns out all the real superpowers.
Here’s another way to say it: perfectionism assumes there’s something wrong with life that has to be fixed.
There’s nothing wrong with life, and there’s nothing wrong with you. The only problem is the lens through which you see life, which makes me think of a useful metaphor.
Every day, I use binoculars to watch wildlife on my property. The binoculars are of the highest quality made, because at a distance, or in dawn/dusk light, they pull in the most light, and give the sharpest image. What happens when the lenses are smudged, or covered with dust? Distortion is what happens! With dirty lenses, I’m seeing a distorted, incomplete image.
The same distorted, incomplete image is what perfectionists see when they look at life. When I look through binoculars with dirty lenses, I’m not seeing what’s really there; I’m seeing what’s in the way.
Understanding the difference between what’s actually there, and your view of it can be a first step in breaking the destructive, exhausting cycle of perfectionism.
A decision made from fear will always feel contraction.
What’s the alternative to decisions made from fear? A settled mind is a mind that allows you access to the full spectrum of your intelligence. When the full spectrum of your intelligence is available to you, you’ll naturally gravitate to decisions made from love. This is something that’s available to every human being. And all you have to do is to let your thinking slow down, which it was made to do.I can honestly say this: I’ve never made a love-based decision that I later regretted.
Some of those decisions may have meant sacrificing something that seemed important to me, but the beauty of full-spectrum intelligence is that it naturally puts love in the driver’s seat. And when love is driving, your decisions will be absolutely dependable.
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