Worry is the Monster in the Closet Adults Still Believe In. The bogeyman under the bed and the monster in the closet are illusions we tend to associate with childhood. They are how a child expresses the absence of a safe feeling.
As children, once we’re shown there are no monsters or bogeymen under the bed or in the closet, our belief in those imaginary creatures is likely to evaporate. We see through the illusion that frightened us, stripping it of its power.
Those of us who spend time worrying are innocently harboring a belief in a monster in the closet. The most ironic thing about that belief is that we often justify it by regarding worry as a sign of diligence, of being on top of the situation.
Regardless of the situation, worry is never justified, and never accomplishes anything other than keeping us in a constant state of fight or flight. Over time, living in the flight or fight state (controlled by the sympathetic nervous system) can only do one thing; wear the worried person down to a nub. Reliance on the sympathetic nervous system means the body is constantly being flooded with adrenaline and never has a chance to rest and replenish itself.
I know all the justifications worriers use to validate their constant state of anxious thinking because I told them to myself for most of my life. These different justifications are encapsulated in the phrase, “I have to be ready for whatever might come my way, and worrying helps me prepare.”
Worry is a sign that the worrier lacks an understanding of how well prepared they already are to deal with whatever life throws their way. Humans are inherently resilient creatures; it’s why we still exist as a species.
You can probably think of a whole list of situations you didn’t see coming in advance, but that you were able to respond to in a perfectly appropriate way. Some of these may have been dramatic, some you may have hardly noticed, but somehow, when the situation presented itself, you knew what to do.
The key phrase in that last sentence, though, is not, “you knew what to do,” but, “when the situation presented itself.” You didn’t know, and couldn’t know what to do before the situation presented itself, because you didn’t need to know before the fact; you only needed it exactly when you needed it. What do you think prepared you for knowing exactly what to do each time you needed it, blind, dumb luck? Luck isn’t that consistent.
The beauty of real-time responsive wisdom is it shows up exactly when you need it and not a moment before.
This is a gift every single human is endowed with. Since I’ve learned to rely on it, I’ve come to see that real-time wisdom is dependable. I can say that because it’s never let me down.
I’ve also come to see it doesn’t make any sense for me to believe I have to know what’s going to happen before it happens so I can be prepared. Life has prepared me, exactly the way it has prepared you.
Here’s what I hope might be a key to help you use the real-time wisdom that’s already built-in to you. The only thing that can make your real-time wisdom feel out of reach is your revved-up thinking. Remember, worry is made entirely of thought, and when you get excited, and your thinking starts spinning too fast, it will be impossible for you to hear your real-time wisdom.
Worry is not an asset. It can only do one thing, which is to give you a horrible, unsettled feeling. That feeling exists to let you know you’re thinking yourself into psychological danger. Don’t ever mistake it for diligence or preparedness.
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