This is the second part of a two-part blog. You can read the first part here.
In part one of this blog, I wrote about how when anger is your primary emotion (as it is for a lot of people), it cuts you off from the world, and from the best parts of yourself. I also talked about how anger can only arise from one source. The source is fear, and whether we call it by that name, or by any of its other names (anxiety, insecurity, etc.), anger isn’t possible with a substrate of fear.
Near the end of that blog was a section addressed to what to remember when dealing with an angry person, whether that person is you or someone else. There’s something else to remember, and I find this particularly useful when I’m engaged with an angry person.
Anger is a form of pain. You can think of it as the emotional equivalent of physical pain. In the same way, someone can’t be at their best when they’re in physical pain, it’s impossible to be at your best when you’re in a state of emotional pain.
Have you ever tried to help a wounded animal? If you fail to acknowledge the animal is wounded, you’re not going to be able to give much help, because your efforts will be resisted. Dealing with an angry person isn’t much different. You have a much better chance of helping that person, or at least really hearing them, if you remember this: they’re in pain.
With that in mind, I find I’m much less inclined to get drawn into the other person’s anger. It’s funny how when two people are engaged with one another and one person is experiencing a strong emotion like anger, the other person is likely to gravitate to the more intense emotional state. Witness the talking heads on “news” programs. It seems more often than not, these programs turn into screaming contests where neither person can hear the other, and neither person displays any interest in hearing the other.
Given the current circumstances of our world, it would be unrealistic to believe the anger epidemic is going to end anytime soon. Knowing exactly what you’re dealing with when you encounter anger increases the possibility that you’ll be able to deal with it effectively.
If this article stirred something in you… pay attention.
That nudge might be your inner wisdom pointing the way.
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