Of all the things we struggle with, change is near the top of the list. Having looked closely at this for years, I’m convinced it isn’t change itself that troubles us so much as the uncertainty that accompanies it. We like to know what to expect, and when we don’t, we become uncomfortable.
One of the major purposes of memory is to give us the feeling of constancy and stability in a world that is neither constant nor stable. Given how constantly we, our lives, and the world around us are changing, it makes little sense to insist on knowing what comes next, but there it is. It’s difficult for many of us to admit this simple truth. We never really know what’s going to happen, but we like to believe we do because when we don’t know, it can feel as though our lives are out of our control.
Here’s an uncomfortable truth: the degree of control we have over our lives is much less than we would like to believe. The illusion of control we depend on is still an illusion. Events seem predictable right up to the moment something changes, sometimes irrevocably.
Fortunately, the fact that life is unpredictable doesn’t leave us helpless.
We Are Built for Change
We don’t need our lives to be predictable because we have something built into us that is far more useful than predictability: resilience and the adaptability that springs from it.
If you believe resilience and adaptability aren’t among your strengths, you’re overlooking something fundamental about being human. Every one of us possesses these qualities. The fact that human beings have survived and adapted for thousands of years is evidence enough. Not all of us recognize these qualities in ourselves, but they are there nonetheless.
Think of some of the big, unexpected changes in your life, especially the ones that threw you off balance. You’re still here, aren’t you? Looking back, you can probably identify some of those changes as among the most fruitful and rewarding experiences of your life. This is why you’ll hear people describe an unexpected turn of events as “the best thing that ever happened to me.” You’ve heard these stories from others and likely have some of your own.
Change Opens Doors We Couldn’t See
A seemingly catastrophic event—the end of a relationship, being fired from a dream job, a serious illness, or some other unwelcome disruption—can sometimes become the catalyst for a life we never would have chosen, but later wouldn’t trade. Such events can open doors we didn’t know existed and lead us in directions we never would have considered. They take us to places we were unlikely to reach without the help of that unpredictable change.
You’ve never really known what was going to happen next in your life. Has that stopped you so far? If not, why would you believe it can stop you now? Change is not a threat. Often, it is the force that invites us into the next chapter of our lives. The uncertainty it brings may be uncomfortable, but your life has already demonstrated that you are capable of meeting it.
If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy What Happens When the Life You Built Isn’t Enough? It explores how life’s unexpected transitions can become invitations to discover something deeper about ourselves.
