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Reflections on Aging, Clarity, and Living Well

Graceful Aging
Emotional Ease
Inner Clarity
Love & Presence
Life Transitions
Silhouette of a person blending into a starry night sky and forest — representing the imaginary self and our deeper connection to the universe.
Love & Presence

Your Imaginary Self

The Self We Think We Are There’s a “person” you’re intimately familiar with, probably more familiar to you than any other. An Imaginary self. Strangely, as real and ever-present as this “person” seems, this creature doesn’t exist in real life. It only exists as a thought—one you likely spend a great deal of time with. Who could it be? It’s you! Or more accurately, it’s the mental picture of yourself you carry with you. This picture is made up of memories, doubts, wounds, experiences, and various delusions, both depressive and grandiose. What I’ve just described is, of course, your ego. Why the Ego Feels So Real Your ego exists for

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Woman standing above a misty forest at sunrise, representing a new perspective and inner clarity.
Inner Clarity

Which is more Interesting? The Historical You? Or the Emerging You?

During a talk with a client, it occurred to me that, like many of us, she was a prisoner to the way she’d learned to think about herself. In other words, she’d spent a lifetime believing a self-image, that like all self-images had almost nothing to do with who she really is. It was obvious to me that believing this self-image, which had been crafted over a long lifetime, was preventing her from seeing who she really is now. And even more than that, it was preventing her from seeing the person she is becoming. After hearing her refer several times to this imaginary person she has always believed herself

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Stressed woman looking at a chaotic mess in her room with playful dogs
Effortless Clarity

Do You Know Exactly What You’re Looking For?

Do you know what it is you’re looking for in your life? It’s a strange question to ask, but what’s stranger still is that we often don’t have any idea how to answer the question. The closest we can come is often some version of, “I’m looking for something different from what I have; something that will make me feel better than I do right now.”

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A young boy sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, showing visible emotion, while a concerned woman gently listens and offers support.
Emotional Ease

What if Anger is the Only Emotion You Can Feel? (Part Two)

In part one of this blog, I wrote about how when anger is your primary emotion (as it is for a lot of people) it cuts you off from the world, and from the best parts of yourself. I also talked about how anger can only arise from one source. The source is fear, and whether we call it by that name, or by any of its other name (anxiety, insecurity, etc) anger isn’t possible with a substrate of fear.

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A distressed man screams with his mouth wide open, surrounded by motion blur, creating a ghostly, fragmented effect—symbolizing emotional overwhelm and the isolating intensity of anger he feels.
Emotional Ease

What if Anger is the Only Emotion You Can Feel? (Part One)

Something very familiar caught my attention in a public space the other day. I watched someone get very angry over what seemed like very little. The place where I saw this was crowded enough that I was able to watch this person over a period of time without drawing attention to myself.

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A red heart enclosed in a metal cage, symbolizing the restriction of love and emotional openness. The cage is locked, casting shadows on a tiled floor, evoking a sense of confinement and withheld emotions.
Love & Presence

Can One Heart Be More Beautiful Than Another?

This morning, I was in class with Mavis Karn and Nikon Gormley. Mavis was telling a story that was a perfect expression of her breathtaking compassion, and a thought came to me: “What a beautiful heart she has.” The thought that came a second later told me something else. “Wait a second, Isn’t that silly? How can one heart be more beautiful than another? They’re all made of exactly the same love.”

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Woman laughing joyfully, symbolizing the power of laughter in releasing tension and gaining perspective.
Effortless Clarity

If You Can Laugh at it, You Can Let it Go

Early this morning, I found myself laughing hard at myself for something I’d just done. I wish I remembered the action or thought that had made me laugh, but I don’t. In fact, I don’t need to know because laughing at myself is something I often find myself doing when it becomes clear to me I’ve done something that doesn’t make any sense, or is in some way counter to what I’m trying to accomplish.

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A broken ceramic bowl with its pieces laid out on a soft surface, symbolizing the concept of breaking open rather than being broken.
Emotional Ease

Broken? Or Just Broken Open?

Yesterday, I was listening to a speech by the author and New York Times columnist, David Brooks. He was talking about moving beyond the challenges we face in life when he said, “You can be broken. Or you can be broken open.” I loved what he was saying, but I have a slightly different take on it.

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