Blog - Gary Stine

Linden tree blossoms on a summer day, reflecting a shift from low moods to quiet presence and well-being.

Emotional Ease

I Wish I Felt Well Enough to Enjoy This Beautiful Day

“I wish I felt well enough to enjoy this beautiful day.” — That was my first low-mood thought of the morning… ten minutes after a strong thunder shower swept the sky clear of anything but blue. The humidity was gone, the temperature was in the high seventies and there was a cool, fresh breeze. And here I was, somehow thinking my physical condition wasn’t up to the task of enjoying the day. The second after this thought crossed my mind, I saw it for what it was: low-mood thinking brought about by several acute sources of physical pain. There is an enormous advantage to understanding that low moods can only

Peaceful morning light in Gary Stine’s backyard symbolizing clarity and identity after retirement.

Graceful Aging

Identity After Retirement: More Than What You Did

“This is the morning view from my own front yard — a place that reminds me daily that we are more than what we’ve done.” Without having looked for it, I seem to have drawn clients who are either nearing retirement or have recently retired. As much as people look forward to retirement, when it comes, it can be bewildering. It’s pretty common for people to be so identified with what they did for a living, when their work comes to an end, so does their sense of identity. It’s a feeling of, “If I’m not doing my work, who can I possibly be?” It’s remarkably easy to mistake surface

Middle-aged man sitting alone on a bench facing a foggy blue lake

Love & Presence

Patience is a Form of Surrender

For the last four-plus months, life has placed me in a master class about patience. I’ve had to admit my expectation about how long, debilitating, and painful knee replacement surgery recovery was going to be had nothing to do with the reality I’ve been experiencing. And I’ve had to repeatedly readjust my expectations. When is the pain and discomfort going to slack off? When will I be able to walk without a limp? When will I be able to… fill in the blank. The answer I’ve had to become comfortable with is, “not yet. Not just yet.” The Trap of Expectations This morning, I finally remembered something I was so

Silhouette of a person blending into a starry night sky and forest — representing the imaginary self and our deeper connection to the universe.

Love & Presence

Your Imaginary Self

The Self We Think We Are There’s a “person” you’re intimately familiar with, probably more familiar to you than any other. An Imaginary self. Strangely, as real and ever-present as this “person” seems, this creature doesn’t exist in real life. It only exists as a thought—one you likely spend a great deal of time with. Who could it be? It’s you! Or more accurately, it’s the mental picture of yourself you carry with you. This picture is made up of memories, doubts, wounds, experiences, and various delusions, both depressive and grandiose. What I’ve just described is, of course, your ego. Why the Ego Feels So Real Your ego exists for

Inner Clarity

Which is more Interesting? The Historical You? Or the Emerging You?

During a talk with a client, it occurred to me that, like many of us, she was a prisoner to the way she’d learned to think about herself. In other words, she’d spent a lifetime believing a self-image, that like all self-images had almost nothing to do with who she really is. It was obvious to me that believing this self-image, which had been crafted over a long lifetime, was preventing her from seeing who she really is now. And even more than that, it was preventing her from seeing the person she is becoming. After hearing her refer several times to this imaginary person she has always believed herself

Stressed woman looking at a chaotic mess in her room with playful dogs

Effortless Clarity

Do You Know Exactly What You’re Looking For?

Do you know what it is you’re looking for in your life? It’s a strange question to ask, but what’s stranger still is that we often don’t have any idea how to answer the question. The closest we can come is often some version of, “I’m looking for something different from what I have; something that will make me feel better than I do right now.”

A young boy sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, showing visible emotion, while a concerned woman gently listens and offers support.

Emotional Ease

What if Anger is the Only Emotion You Can Feel? (Part Two)

In part one of this blog, I wrote about how when anger is your primary emotion (as it is for a lot of people) it cuts you off from the world, and from the best parts of yourself. I also talked about how anger can only arise from one source. The source is fear, and whether we call it by that name, or by any of its other name (anxiety, insecurity, etc) anger isn’t possible with a substrate of fear.

A distressed man screams with his mouth wide open, surrounded by motion blur, creating a ghostly, fragmented effect—symbolizing emotional overwhelm and the isolating intensity of anger he feels.

Emotional Ease

What if Anger is the Only Emotion You Can Feel? (Part One)

Something very familiar caught my attention in a public space the other day. I watched someone get very angry over what seemed like very little. The place where I saw this was crowded enough that I was able to watch this person over a period of time without drawing attention to myself.

A red heart enclosed in a metal cage, symbolizing the restriction of love and emotional openness. The cage is locked, casting shadows on a tiled floor, evoking a sense of confinement and withheld emotions.

Love & Presence

Can One Heart Be More Beautiful Than Another?

This morning, I was in class with Mavis Karn and Nikon Gormley. Mavis was telling a story that was a perfect expression of her breathtaking compassion, and a thought came to me: “What a beautiful heart she has.” The thought that came a second later told me something else. “Wait a second, Isn’t that silly? How can one heart be more beautiful than another? They’re all made of exactly the same love.”

Reflections on Aging, Clarity, and Living Well