During a talk with a client, it occurred to me that, like many of us, she was a prisoner to the way she’d learned to think about herself. In other words, she’d spent a lifetime believing a self-image, that like all self-images had almost nothing to do with who she really is. It was obvious to me that believing this self-image, which had been crafted over a long lifetime, was preventing her from seeing who she really is now. And even more than that, it was preventing her from seeing the person she is becoming.
After hearing her refer several times to this imaginary person she has always believed herself to be, I said something like, “I think the historical you isn’t nearly as interesting as the emerging you.” She became very quiet. Like most of us, it had probably never occurred to her that the way she thought of herself as a person could change over time. She warmed to the idea that there was an emerging version of herself, and that perhaps that was the version to pay more attention to than the historical version.
Each of us has a version of ourself we hold in our mind. This version is a conglomeration of things we’ve learned to believe about ourselves. We take this version to be a true and accurate description of who we are. It’s like saying, “this is how I think about myself, so this must be the way I am.”
How you think about yourself is a superficial overlay of who you really are. If that view of yourself is based entirely on what you’ve done, or what’s happened to you in the past, your view of yourself can only be a static one. There’s no room for growth, no room to even consider there could be such a thing as an emerging you.
The emerging you is the one who is willing to learn from life, who is willing to grow, willing to let old, harmful, inaccurate beliefs about yourself fall by the wayside. That’s because the emerging you has a fresh, malleable perspective. The image I often use to describe this new perspective is of a person lost in a thick, dark forest. The forest is so thick, it’s impossible to tell one direction from another. Then a helpful giant comes along and says, “Here, let me give you a hand.” The giant picks the lost person up by the scruff of the neck and lifts them up above the treetops and asks, “Now, can you see where you are?” Then the giant gently sets the person down where he’d found them.
When the person is set back down on the ground, their surroundings take on a completely different feel. It’s no longer a dark, unfamiliar forest. Now they know where they are, and their confusion evaporates.
When your thoughts about yourself feel confusing or overwhelming, it’s a signal that the person you’re thinking about isn’t really you. You’ve confused your overwhelmed mental state with the person you really are. You’ve confused the historical you with the emerging you. The emerging you is always more interesting and more accurate than the historical you.
Did what you read stir something for you? Gary’s here. Book a free call and see what unfolds from a simple, honest conversation.
