Giving yourself a break always sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?
Why, then, are we so infinitely creative in finding ways to postpone it?
To be clear, what I’m talking about is being a little easier on ourselves than most of us tend to be. It occurs to me part of our genius for putting this off has to do with the notion that we’re just not quite ready to do it yet. Unfortunately, this feeling of not being ready can go on almost indefinitely.
What we really may be telling ourselves is some version of, “I just need to keep being hard on myself for a little longer, then I can give myself a break.” This is a statement my thinking tells me from time to time, so I’ve learned to see it for what it is: the sort of bullshit it doesn’t make sense for me to give my attention.
In fact, I’ve learned to take my reluctance to go easier on myself as a sure sign it’s exactly what I need. The things we need most are often the same things we resist most, so I’ve come to see my resistance as a gift that lets me know where I should put my attention. And miraculously, when I become aware I’m resisting, all I have to do is to drop that resistance.
It’s an answer that’s so beautifully simple, it’s hard for most of us to hear. If the answer were really that simple, it seems logical to believe we would have recognized it long ago. This is how the truth hides in plain sight. The truth, and what seems logical, coincide as often as they don’t. And if the only tool we use when we’re looking for the truth is logic, we’re apt to miss a whole lot of truth.
Our reluctance or resistance to give ourselves a break is also firmly rooted in the speed at which we live our lives. When your mind is going too fast, the way most of ours are most of the time, it’s incredibly easy to lose sight of the simple fact that you’re going too fast. It’s a bit like going downhill at a high rate of speed. When we reach a certain speed, both stopping, and changing direction become difficult, so we just keep going.
Back to the simplicity of how to give yourself a break. The place to start is just recognizing you’re going too fast. When our minds are going at high speeds that aren’t healthy for us, they give us a signal. That signal is a tight, uncomfortable feeling. That’s the feeling stressful thinking always carries with it. In other words, that tight feeling is what stressful thinking feels like. In fact, it’s the only feeling stressful thinking can present to you. That feeling tells you, in no uncertain terms, that you’re going faster than your legs can carry you.
It’s your signal to just stop what you’re doing for a minute.
It doesn’t take long to come back to yourself, because a peaceful feeling is your default state, no matter who you are. You may have gotten so accustomed to going too fast that you mistake high speed for your default state, but every human’s default speed is about the same. It’s only when our minds get revved up and stay that way that it seems like high speed is the only speed we have.
The secret hiding in plain sight here is the moment you notice the tight, constricted feeling of going too fast, you’ve already done most of the work to give yourself a break. All you have to do at that point is let yourself come back to yourself. Remember, you were designed to do that, too, and you always have before now, haven’t you?
If you’re willing to entertain the idea that when you need to give yourself a break, it doesn’t mean you have to do some additional work, you have to stop doing, and let your brain slip into neutral, you’ll start to see just how easy giving yourself a break can be.
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