Yes? or No?
Humans constantly have the opportunity to make choices, to say “yes” to this and “no” to that. Have you noticed that you tend to respond in one way more often than the other?
That answer can be thought of as your “default answer.” It’s likely you’re more inclined to say “yes” more often than you say “no,” or to say “no” more often than you say “yes.”
But here’s the strange thing: whatever your default response happens to be, it has much less to do with the question at hand than it does to do with how open or closed you are to the opportunities life offers at that particular moment. In other words, it’s more a state of mind issue than it is an issue of exterior circumstances.
Years ago, I became aware that my tendency was toward “no.” I became very good at turning down opportunities of all kinds, simply because it felt easier for me to say “no” than to say “yes.”
When life says “yes”
What I didn’t understand when I was in the thrall of “no,” was that it was life that I was saying “no” to.
Realizing that, was sobering to me because it let me see how that reaction led me to have both a closed mind and a closed heart.
Keeping an open heart
It’s funny how one leads to the other. It’s human nature to have an open heart and an open mind. When one is open, the other wants to be. Though it’s our natural state to have both open, it’s not necessarily our normal state. Lots of us go through life ready to say “no” regardless of the question.
Thirty years ago, I was able to see the damage I was doing to myself and my life. I’m not sure what made me see it, other than that I was ready. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
Suddenly, the automatic “no” no longer made sense to me, and I started experimenting with pausing before I responded. This simple act let me remember that “yes” was also in the realm of possibility.
That possibility shifted my experience of life dramatically, and it must have shifted the way others experienced me. I think I must have become much easier to be around. I’m sure I became more fun to be around.
I remember friends asking several times what had happened to me. I also remember being surprised at hearing the answer that came out of my mouth: “I stopped saying ‘no’ and started saying ‘yes’.”
That’s all it was. My world, which had seemed shrunken and constricted by my automatic “no” response, started to open and expand.
The realization that both “yes” and “no” were options in my life allowed me to grow in ways that continue to amaze me, and I’ve come to see that the simple willingness to say “yes” when I might have said “no” was what started to change everything.
Is your default response to life, “yes,” or is it “no”?
