The Self We Think We Are
There’s a “person” you’re intimately familiar with, probably more familiar to you than any other. An Imaginary self. Strangely, as real and ever-present as this “person” seems, this creature doesn’t exist in real life. It only exists as a thought—one you likely spend a great deal of time with.
Who could it be? It’s you! Or more accurately, it’s the mental picture of yourself you carry with you. This picture is made up of memories, doubts, wounds, experiences, and various delusions, both depressive and grandiose. What I’ve just described is, of course, your ego.
Why the Ego Feels So Real
Your ego exists for a reason. When the formless energy of the universe takes on a specific form, like the form of a human being, it also takes on certain limitations. The unlimited consciousness of the universe becomes limited. This is what allows you to have an experience as a human being. The flip side of this coin is the catch. This limitation of consciousness is also what prevents you from seeing who you really are.
The illusion of the separate self, the belief that you end at the borders of your body, is the source of most human unhappiness. Your ego needs this boundary to maintain its belief you’re a separate individual. It rebels at the suggestion that there could be a deeper, more real and expansive version of you. This is how your true nature stays hidden. With all its insistent might, the ego resists revealing itself as a pretender. This explains why you might have felt yourself to be in danger when your ego seems to be threatened. This is simply the ego attempting to protect itself from the annihilation of self-recognition, or recognition of the true self.
What Happens When We See Through It
It’s impossible to experience the true self as long as we fall for the countless tricks the ego plays on us. But the instant your attention moves to something other than yourself and your problems, you’re able to experience yourself as simply the aliveness of the universe. At that instant, the ego recedes. In a very few cases (though probably not yours, and not mine) this disappearance is permanent. In most cases, the clarity provided by the relaxation of the ego is temporary. The ego has had a lifetime of figuring out ways to make you believe in it. And the moment you start thinking about yourself, your problems and apparent limitations, the ego is back in charge, exactly where it likes to be.
The ego isn’t bad—just misunderstood. “Getting rid” of the ego is not the solution, because without it, you wouldn’t recognize yourself as you. It might be useful to think of the ego as a container, like a shopping bag. It holds certain necessary information about you. Along with that, it holds a big load of fictitious nonsense about you. Like that you’re special, and important, or you’re special because of what you know, or who you know, or what you can do, or what you’ve been through. This could be described as “ego baggage.” But this isn’t a problem with the container, it’s a misunderstanding of the fictitious nonsense being held in the container.
The most damaging piece of nonsense in this baggage is the illusion of the separate self. Our sensory equipment suggests to us that we end at the physical border of our bodies. That seems to make sense; our sensory apparatus monitors feelings in the body, not outside of the body. It’s this disparity, this, “if I can’t feel it, how can it possibly be part of me” that convinces each of us “I end where my body ends.”
And so we come to view the world beyond our bodies as “not me.” As soon as it’s not me, it takes on the appearance of a threat I have to protect myself from.
Your imaginary self doesn’t need any more of your attention. The more attention you give your ego, the more it wants. Too much is never enough. This is one of the ego’s craftiest tricks: keeping you believing in it.
Your imaginary self, and all the other imaginary selves running around in the world, make it impossible for peace to exist. When we see the world outside our bodies as a threat, we’ve surrendered the peace we were born with. We can’t hope for peace in a world where we’ve unknowingly given away our own personal peace.
Peace begins the moment we stop believing in who we’re not.
You might also enjoy this reflection on identity.
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